2025: My 'anti-boner' biz year

I see soft launches, smaller lists, gentle goals, and unclenched fists

Have you used ChatGPT to make an image yet? I was anti-AI for a while. I thought it stifled creativity. But this year, I’ve realized that it fuels it. Giving this tool a description of what I want to see always cracks my imagination wide open. It shows me what’s possible. It also terrifies me…in a good way.

Up until I saw that dream of a picture and wrote that caption, I had been struggling to start writing this newsletter. Not only have I had way too many topics swirling in my mind with no clear theme in sight, but:

1. I’ve been in post-vacation sloth mode. Spending a week in Mexico over Thanksgiving changed my brain. For the first time in probably a decade, I’ve been moving slower and wanting less screen time.

2. I’ve been nervous about the boner thing. Although it’s just a metaphor for not going so “hard” with my work, I don’t want to make folks uncomfortable or confused.

3. I’ve been going in the wrong order. I’ve been so focused on the headline, subtitle, and intro sentences being perfect that I’ve been halting any and all opportunities to get messy…to get in motion…to get actually writing.

But this morning, I decided to unclench my fists, soften my fingers, and just…begin.

All it took was typing a few different versions of that caption up there, and then it hit me. When that last sentence about being good-scared hit the screen, I thought, Wait a minute. This feels familiar. THIS is how I’ll start the newsletter.

So, let’s begin.

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The week before we left for Puerto Vallarta, I was terrified.

TERRIFIED to spend a WEEK away from my LAPTOP.

But I also trusted it would be good for me, because I finally realized that I’d been working at a pace that wasn’t sustainable.

On top of my unease to not be tapping on these keys, my pre-travel anxiety was skyrocketing. While sitting in urgent care for two hours two days before we left for yet another self-diagnosed issue that was proven wrong by various tests (I NEED A PUNCH CARD FOR THAT PLACE!), my mind was riddled with questions:

What if I get sick from the food? What if I get sick from the water? Wait. CAN I EVEN DRINK THE COFFEE? If I wash my hands with the water, can I even eat with my hands? What if they wash the food with the water? Should I just avoid all raw fruit and veggies like I did in China? What if water trickles into my mouth in the shower and I get a parasite or pull a Charlotte?

How will JeeWoo keep his mouth closed in the shower? What if he has meltdowns left and right? Will this all-inclusive thing feel like prison? How does one stay at a resort for a WEEK? And just…sit? What will not drinking be like? Do sober and Mexico even mix? Will we be a buzzkill? Will there be pumpkin pie?

I think it goes without saying that I’m a neurotic hypochondriac that had never been south of the border. Before that trip, I was more wound up than a yo-yo at a caffeine convention. I had a stick up my butt that was twisted real tight.

But on the trip, that stick fell out.

My mind unraveled.
My body unwound.

And when it was time to go home, I wasn’t ready. I wanted to keep sitting…keep being…keep resting.

Then, when I spent my first day alone again in this house, I didn’t recognize who I was. I’m not talking appearance-wise — although my clear skin and un-chapped lips sure were a shock! I’m talking feeling-wise.

For the first time in a long time, every muscle in my body wasn’t tensed up and vibrating over all the things I needed to be doing or wanting to be creating. I actually didn’t want to be glued to my laptop, twisted in to-dos, bouncing from tab to tab, and ignoring my body’s cues. (Like right now — my bladder is saying, “Empty me.” My mouth is whispering, “Water me.” But my fingers are like, “Ahhh! Not yet! We’re in a zone!”)

While this state of total softness was oh-so-welcomed, it was also a little bit terrifying. But in a good way. It shook my loosened shoulders and told me to reassess my current to-dos and future goals.

So, that’s where the anti-boner biz year comes in. In my little 2025 crystal ball, I see soft launches, smaller lists, gentle goals, and unclenched fists. Oh! And wait! As the glitter slowly falls, I see a message carved into the top of a treasure box. It reads, “Unapologetically me.”

Here’s what all that means:

• Instead of launching a new event concept in January with a branded website and all the bells ‘n’ whistles, I’mma VERY softly launch it this spring. But as the Not Til Now event series evolves, one that honors courage, innovation, and all things firsts, I’ll be sharing how it comes together with you here. (I want you to see that even though I’ve been creating gatherings and planning events since literally 1996, every time I do one, I’m learning as I go. There’s no specific recipe. There are some secret sauces, though, and I can’t wait to share all the behind-the-scenes deets with you.)

• Instead of speaking at Exposed, which I was given the incredible invite to do this spring, I decided it’s not time. Yes, I have a tough story about sexual assault that I am being called to share publicly. A story I’ve been holding for 20 years that I finally shared with my parents in October. But no, I don’t want to memorize 10 minutes worth of the raw details and end it there. At least not now. I want to share more than that. Like maybe 20 minutes more — and show that everything is connected, miracles are possible, and all the best things in my life are rooted in trauma. But how, when, and where? Only time will tell.

• Instead of teaching a top-to-bottom self-publishing workshop that leads into a yearlong writing journey, I’m going to start with a three-month, $20-month, get-into-a-writing-rhythm beta group called The DBP Society: Where Done is Better than Perfect and Aspiring Writers Find Their Courage. More on that soooon!

• Instead of continuing to call this newsletter Redefining BIG, I will be changing the name. Yep, this is the third name change in less than a year a half. And yes, I was worried you’d think I was all over the place. But tweaking is where it’s at, folks. (James Dyson created over 5,000 prototypes of his bagless vacuum before achieving the design that revolutionized the industry. Amazon started as an online book store in 1994. Instagram launched as a check-in app. LEGO began as wooden toys in the 1930s. Netflix used to be DVDs by mail. Iterating is everything!!)
  
  Plus, I don’t feel excited about Redefining BIG anymore, and I always feel a little guilty that I’m not pumping out full-on pieces like I was in the beginning. I want to write to you like I’d write to my best friend. I want to soften ALL expectations and be even MORE raw than I’ve been. And even though I worry about offending or leading someone to unsubscribing, it’s time to unwind my fists and be unapologetically me in these. With that, there WILL be things like “boner” in a headline, definitely some poop puns, and likely sprinklings of rebellious cussing because at the core of my true being, I’m a fucking perma-pre-teen.

So, what’s the new name you ask?!?!

DRUMROLL, pleeeeease!

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Behind the Mic

Raw reflections from a writing coach, speaker, and event producer who believes EVERYONE has something worth sharing. A newsletter that puts courage and creativity at center stage.

Boooooom.

Through these letters, my hope is that you’ll see that YOU are more capable than you think and that YOUR story matters.

And while I’ll be talking even more about myself in these, my deeper agenda is that you read my honest words and think things like, Oh, my goodness, I thought I was the only one, or throw your hands down and say, “It’s really that simple?!” or feel a tingle in your spine as you realize that YES, you can do it, too.

Through all my me-me-me stories, THAT is what I want for YOU.

And I can’t wait to share this real-er me with you.

I hope you’ll stick around for it. It’s gonna be pretty fuckin’ fun.

Until next time,

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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

—Maya Angelou