For once, I felt confident
And other takeaways from the biggest talk of my career
Hey! Wanna give your eyes a break? Ready, set, listen:
No, this isn’t a guest post.
Yes, you read that headline right.
Brit Stueven…
the one who’s usually writing about her fear of judgement
the one who’s often banging the self-doubt drum
…is actually here to recap on a scenario where she felt strong and confident with ALL of who she is.
I had to put that in third person because what happened last week almost felt like an out-of-body experience. 😉
Last Tuesday, I had the tremendous opportunity to speak at Visa, here in Colorado, on the topic of “Owning Who We Are: How Bringing Your Whole Self to Work Fuels Innovation and Growth.”
This wasn’t my first rodeo with speaking, but it was my first time presenting on this particular topic and for the biggest company yet.
It was also the first time that the Visa Women’s Network welcomed an outside speaker since 2020 (Even then, that was virtual!), and the first time this topic was formally brought into the fold.
So, what sparked it?
Well, back when I worked at a startup that grew too fast and lost sight of what mattered, I led the internship program for a few years and one of our awesome participants was a gal named Taylor.
Fifteen years later, this mom of four now sits on the steering committee for the Visa Women’s Network, which I was totally unaware of until she emailed me in April.
In her note, she told me about something that came up in a previous meeting with Visa’s Pride Employee Resource Group. While discussing gender norms and the damage they can cause, a theme that arose was vulnerability and showing up as your whole self in the workplace.
“This is a recurring theme for our steering committee, as one of the things that we are striving to do is create a safe space for women in our workplace,” wrote Taylor.
I don’t think one string of words has ever made me want to jump up and down and run around town like that one. After all I’ve been through as a woman — in high school, college, work, and various places I THOUGHT I’d be okay in — reading the words “safe space for women” lit me UP.
Then, she said the following:
“Your name came to mind immediately when [our co-chairs] mentioned that we are looking to bring in an external speaker – with the work that you have been doing lately with Mama Be Present (book and Instagram presence), your Substack, and the work that you do with your small groups. You are always doing something so interesting and inspiring and I think you have a lot of insights to offer to our group!”
As much as you know I love praise, I do feel weird sharing why she thought of me. But I ultimately want you to see it, because here’s the thing:
You never know who’s paying attention.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost thrown in the towel on this newsletter, wondered if my impulsive, early-morning Insta-stories are landing with ANYone, or looked at my sales dashboard for Mama Be Present and wondered what gives.
If I’m not physically seeing what my work is doing, it’s hard to believe that anything is happening. But let that email from Taylor — someone I met FIFTEEN YEARS AGO — prove that you just…never…know.
If you’re bravely being YOU and doing the scary things that call to you, then, you are creating ripples. Think of that unseen impact as WiFi, electricity, or the oxygen in your lungs. No, it’s not tangibly visible, but boy, its purpose is paramount!
And even if you can’t relate to being a “starving author” or standing naked on the internet, I hope you know that just because someone isn’t telling you what inspired them or laughing at your joke (Maybe they’re holding in a fart! You just never know!), it doesn’t mean you aren’t getting through.
This brings me to the next realization:
You’re more capable than you think.
Had this Visa speaking thing been a job posting, I probably would’ve scrolled right past it thinking, Nope! Not me! Not yet, at least!
It took someone ELSE seeing what I was capable of for me to be up to the task. Even then — and throughout most of my planning — I often questioned how someone who worries so much could pull off a presentation on “owning who we are.”
I wondered how someone who’s been away from the corporate world for 11 years could have the credibility to walk into an office setting and properly meet people where they’re at.
Well, over the course of five months, I did lots of digging.
I read countless articles and started various social media threads.
I exchanged literally 87 emails with the Visa ladies (OK, they weren’t all about the content of the talk, but still! This was a Process!) and dissected employee surveys they sent out for me.
I changed the title three times, scrapped entire outlines, and wondered if I’d ever reach the finish line.
It’s not that I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to keep it to 45 minutes. Every time I dug in, I discovered some new, wild connection or had a personal aha moment. Even when it came time for a practice session the week before, it turned into a discussion halfway through because my head. was. spinning.
I’m so glad that day happened, though, because those dear ladies saw things I couldn’t. Not only did they remind me that I didn’t have to solve all the world’s problems in one presentation, but my pal
— a powerful writer, activist, and speaking coach — told me something that changed everything:“Your whole career is a case study in vulnerability.”
The funniest part about that is she and I met a year after I’d set out on my own. So, everything she’s witnessed in the last decade is everything I thought would be irrelevant to this audience. But as I heard her tell pieces of my story from her point of view, I felt a wave of clarity wash over me. Every hop, pivot, and awkward moment of my entrepreneurial journey was now beaming with credibility for a talk on vulnerability.
So, I decided to share more of my story, and as I wove in different turning points that most folks wouldn’t dare include in a first-impression bio…
how much I’ve cried at work
being labeled emotionally unstable
hitting burnout and taking medical leave
taking spontaneous pivots that had David quietly and financially terrified
being grilled by a judge on my anxiety and depression in order to get the green light for adoption
receiving 2-star reviews on a book I poured my naked heart into
and, and, and
…so much came full circle. Things that once felt embarrassing, insignificant, or even inappropriate for a professional summary were now equally as important to what makes me, me.
In other words, through the process of putting this talk together, I was personally learning along the way, and THIS was one of my biggest takeaways:
Every part of you matters.
Oh, gosh. I’m scared to even begin with this one.
I feel like what happened in the book sales caption might happen down here if I even crack this topic open. There’s so much I want to say about how our strengths and weaknesses are dependent on one another and how bringing our whole self to anything requires embracing every duality within us and in this life.
But, um, yeeaaah…that was the basis of what I spoke for 45 minutes about. So, maybe we revisit this in the form of an online workshop sometime, yeah?
In the meantime, here’s an aha moment that pulled it all together:
Every feeling, memory, scenario, or part of myself that I’ve ever wanted to run from or hide from others has been just the thing I’ve needed. It’s been THE very thing I’ve needed to pay attention to. Discomfort is the main character in the book on growth. It’s the key ingredient in the recipe for change.
And that brings me to something I’ve been wanting to tell you the most.
Before the big day, I was told that anywhere from 10-100 people could show up, but that 50-ish were expected. Then, on the day of, here’s what the setup looked like:
I. was. so. excited.
While testing the slides for the online broadcast and warming my voice up to the clip-on mic, I couldn’t wait to see who would fill those 72 seats. I couldn’t wait to hear them laughing at my jokes. The more people in the audience, the more chances you have to get laughs, you know? And the more people engaging with me, the more I feed off that energy. So, THIS was going to be amazing.
Well…
Besides the four people who were part of the thing (and the 50 people who tuned in online across the country that I was unaware of until the end), guess how many voluntarily showed up in the flesh?
Five.
Oof! Ouch!
Typical me would’ve felt a little disappointed and a LOT more nervous than I already was. But guess what?
For the first time, I felt confident.
Out of ALL the times I’ve ever spoken to a group, I actually felt comfortable, present, and alive the entire time. That is BIG.
There was even a moment when a joke fell completely flat. Like…could’ve-heard-a-mouse-fart flat. And you know who didn’t worry one bit? I’ll give you a hint. Her name rhymes with Blit. (Blit. HA! Please don’t ever call me that.)
So, what made me extra strong this time? What made this one so different? I have a few theories:
I had a five-month staredown with discomfort. For nearly half ‘o year, I leaned uncomfortably hard into things I wanted to ignore, put off, or hide. And because of that, I grew so much.
I was 201 days sober. Even after all the work I put into this presentation, had I still been numbing every night, this would’ve been a completely different story. Alcohol dulls my light and fuels my anxiety. It controls me and convinces me I’m not worthy. So, life without it has been, well, life-giving.
I practiced. Like I mentioned, I feed off the energy of others, so I don’t usually practice. I need that real-time validation. But in the process of actually practicing alone this time, I was able to build some new muscles. I was able to truly own this, all while becoming the destined audience for this. It’s almost as if God had me writing this for myself all along. (Speaking of Him, I was nervous to weave Him into it, but I did it. Twice, actually. There was no way I was going to bring my full self to something and not mention my faith.)
OK.
If I don’t stop myself here, I’ll write this thing into oblivion, because I am on FIRE for this topic. More to come for sure.
And I know I just talked boatloads about myself yet again, but there is a method to my “me-me madness.” My hope, as always, is that you’re able to find a piece of yourself in these digital diaries. Whether you feel a little more capable or even less alone, I hope you feel grounded, inspired, or refreshed in some way.
If you ever want to dig deeper or share what sparked for YOU, oh, my goodness, I’d LOVE to hear from you. Comment below or reply, K?
Until next time,
P.S. 35 seats are already filled for the next Moms on the Mic on October 24!
Come join me and other awesome women for a sit-down dinner, delicious drinks, decadent desserts (GF + DF!), incredible speakers, table discussions, loads of discounts and gifts from woman-owned businesses, accessorizing (Yes! You get to wear a piece from Threads all night!), and so much more.
Get the full deets here:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
—Maya Angelou
This is beautiful Brit! Can’t wait to see where God is leading you!
Love, love, love everything about this. So honored to have had you speak and it’s been so wonderful reconnecting with you ❤️