When bad reviews spark good things

How book feedback from Christian moms cracked my faith wide open

“Every cloud has a silver lining.”
— Sarah Payton Parton

I don’t talk about God much. I’m a pretty quiet Christian.

Yet ever since starting a newsletter about waiting, courage, and creating and my own experiences with such things, it’s been impossible not to weave the Big Man in.

It’s a tough line to walk, though, because not everyone believes the same stuff. The last thing I want to do is be too loud about it or accidentally turn someone away from something that could change everything. So…

When I do bring up my faith, I keep it brief. I keep it “safe.”

In my book, Mama Be Present, there are a few sprinklings of God. While briefly sharing the dark place infertility led me to, I couldn’t NOT mention what ultimately pulled me out of it. And while talking about how invisible I felt when becoming a mom, I couldn’t NOT recount what I realized: God always sees me.

Other than that, I chose not to go “there” with this book. I wanted to meet moms where they are — no matter what their spiritual beliefs — and let the book take it from there.

I wanted to help tired mamas feel seen in the daily challenges that can feel so isolating, all while reminding them of simple yet magical ways to get through the day. I wanted to show them how the tiniest, truest moments of connection can make the mightiest of memories and how the most impactful self-care is rooted in the basic, overlooked things.

I also wanted to keep the chapters short and sweet (Ain’t no toddler mom got time to get lost in a book!), so with that, I chose to simply scratch the surface on something that actually runs very deep and is super personal.

On top of that, I’m still learning a lot about Christianity. I often feel like a newbie. There’s a ton of stuff I question and wrestle with and loads of Bible stories I haven’t been exposed to yet.

And even though what I *have* learned and experienced has made me realize I can’t do this life without thy Almighty Dude, there’s a big part of me that whispers, Who are you to talk publicly about God? Who are you to nudge anyone if you aren’t an expert?

So, yeah. I tend to stay pretty quiet.

But in this last month, I’ve talked about God (both online and off) with more people than I have in my whole life. I’ve talked about faith — for the first time ever — with friends I’ve had for years. I’ve asked women at my church (and even my pastor!) for their input and wisdom. Some of these convos have yet to happen, but from the exchanges I *have* had, I’ve learned a lot.

In fact, I’m about to say something I never thought I’d say:

I’m on fire for Jesus.

Yep. I said it. And I can see my mom-in-law high-fiving me from heaven as we speak.

What lit this fire is not something I can answer in one sentence (Can this wordy gal answer ANYTHING in one sentence?!), but I can tell you what kicked it off:

Not one, not two, but five 2-star reviews of Mama Be Present from Christian moms. (2 out of 5 stars, by the way.)

Some context:

While searching the #bookstagram and #booksformoms hashtags on Instagram, I was inspired by one mom’s beautiful reviews and thought she’d enjoy my book. I knew from her profile that she was a Christian homeschooling mama who shared God’s Word and was “growing in grace.”

Now, my book isn’t a Christian book, per se, but it’s a book that was already impacting women I knew were Christian, and remember? I’m one of those, too. I didn’t think twice. I thought it’d be a great way to reach new readers.

When she told me she was honored to review it, she also gave me a list of other reviewers to contact that had “welcomed her to the bookstagram community and were so friendly.”

As I signed each copy and put them in the mail, I was so inspired by this first round of yeses for review. I couldn’t wait to see what would come of it. I couldn’t wait to see my book included in their glorious Instagram grids.

But that sort of promo never happened. Instead, they all left some unexpected feedback on my Goodreads page.

Here are snippets from three separate reviews:

“However, I am not the type of mother for [this] book. When I’m looking for parenting/ motherhood advice/ suggestions for my family, cursing and calling children “ticking time bombs” or “little rebels” are a bit of a turn off for me.”

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“The reason I am only giving this 2 stars though is there was a lot of self-love kind of language throughout. As a Christian, I was uncomfortable with this aspect of the book along with language throughout. The "F" word was used a few times for example. Because of this, I can not reccomend this book unfortunately.”

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“Unfortunately, as a Believer I cannot recommend this book to fellow Christian moms as a beneficial read. I found the crass language and name-calling of her kid a bit jarring. I also don’t think the victim-mentality of parenthood or the supposed importance of self (both of which are consistent in this book) are helpful. The suggested solutions to anger/burn out are self-centered and shallow, failing to provide lasting change.”

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At first, I took these words and super low ratings very personally. I mean, I did just recently post about how I’m a recovering praise addict.

And of course, I took these reviews to my Instagram Stories with “for the record” explanations RE: cussing, name-calling, etc. I had never heard from so many people in reply.

But as the weeks went on, and more of the same reviews came in, and more convos inevitably happened, the boiling in my blood was no longer about my ego and this book. The two-star sting had faded.

What continued to fire me up was what I kept hearing in response to the reviews. In many of my convos, I heard things like the following:

“That type of judgment is why I stopped going to my Bible study.”

“I’ve since left the church because of things like this.”

“I bristle at the word ‘God.’ I think this is why.”

Before I go on, I must acknowledge that I understand where all of these reviewers were coming from. I don’t agree with what they said, but I understand what brought them to those perspectives. I do respect their opinions, and I truly don’t think they intended the pain they caused.

Most of all, I’m not sharing all of this with you to start a debate or stir things up. I’m showing up here because if you have ever felt excluded from a church, turned off by Christianity, or not good enough for God, then:

I’d like to tell you about the God I know.

The God who literally saved my life.
The God who loves me no matter what.

The God who wants me to seek him first in all that I do, but knows that it will always be a work in progress. The God who knows that self-care is critical not only for survival but to be the best version of ourselves.

The God who might not be pleased with how I went about some things in this book, but the God who knows I’m not perfect. The God who knows that I was trying to inject some lightness and humor into the hardness of motherhood.

The God who wants me to talk to him and lean on him, even if I end up cussing at him. The God who will not, no matter what I do or say, go ANYwhere. He will always be there, waiting oh-so-patiently with open, understanding ears. Always.

The God who nudges me to use my writing to help others feel seen and less alone. The God who gives me permission to put it all out there and be myself. The God who knows I am still learning about him, but the God who gives me grace because I believe in him.

The God who knows I am a quiet Christian who is SO quiet she cries almost anytime she prays out loud. The God who is now nudging me to get “loud” about where I personally come from, because I never want anyone to feel pushed away from God or feel the way I felt when I first read those reviews.

I don’t want anyone to feel like they’re not allowed at the table, not part of the family, or not worthy of the Big Man’s love.

So, why exactly is that? And just how have I gotten to know God?

Well, my dear friend…

I’ll share that back story in my next newsletter.*

Until next time,

*Moon Pollen will now land in your inbox every other week.

Considering the length and depth these letters are reaching, I believe this new cadence will be beneficial for your eyes, my brain, and our mutual precious time. Thank you SO much for being here.